I guess either no one really reads this anymore – and can I blame anyone when I have barely been posting? Or every one who is Christian isn’t actually interested in getting to understand the other view. Or you feel like you have heard it all already. Whatever the reason – it’s ok. So there were not many questions but I am going to spread them out over a few posts because no one wants to read a novel here.
Q: If I’m recalling correctly, you said earlier that you *wanted* to believe. What percentage of atheists do you think feel this way? Do you still feel that way yourself (again, if I am remembering correctly)?
A: When I say that I “want” to believe it is because it would be infinitely easier to feel that I wasn’t in control of my life sometimes. Oh that bad thing that happened? It’s god’s plan, not my fault. For example when Jack fell off the bench at the soccer game last year and I watched his eyes roll into his head as he passed out and I wasn’t sure he was breathing. I watched his entire future life pass in front of me and all I could think was it was all my fault. If he died, or had brain damage, or was paralyzed then it was all my fault because I wasn’t paying enough attention. People who believe in god seem to feel that way at first about things but then they say that it is god’s plan. That god doesn’t give you more than you can handle. All those lovely phrases that to most atheists (and many christians) are insulting at the worst and insensitive in the least.
Its not that I want to believe because I think it would be better but it is more that often I don’t want to take responsibility for everything that I don’t like or to think that there is a higher power out there that knows better than I do and will make everything right.
The analogy of god as a parent really is accurate – someone who will let you fall but then pick you up, kiss your boo-boos and make it all better. Who doesn’t “want” to believe in that? So yeah I want to believe but I just can’t.
I still feel this way but again only when I am feeling like I just don’t want to take responsibility for what is happening in my life or when I really wish there could be a big giant daddy that comes in and makes everything all better.
As for other Atheists I know some have said they do think this too, but again only sometimes. The problem with having this deity who is always in control is the inverse of having them take responsibility – its when god is given all the credit.
Right now I have the best single semester GPA I have ever had in my life. I have worked hard for this and my family has sacrificed – especially my oldest who babysits a lot so that I can go to the library and study or even just lock myself in my room to get my homework done. This is my hard work and my success. Not god’s.
So even if sometimes I say I want to believe – its only because I want someone else to blame when things are going down the toilet.