Crazy Busy!

Why did I decide to do this the same time I was starting back to school?  I must have been crazy.

So of course I was doing good til yesterday.  I only had 2 little snafus (aka 8 ounces cokes) but then for some reason yesterday it all hit me like a ton of bricks.  All the sleep I have been missing trying to get my new life in school rearranged finally came back to haunt me and it did it in the middle of biology class.  I couldn’t keep my eyes open.  I kept dozing off and the worst part about it was that I was sitting in the front row.  There is NO WAY my professor didn’t notice me dozing off.
I felt so bad.  I even got like 5 hours of sleep the night before which was like a record compared to the previous week.  So yesterday I broke down on my no caffeine, no soda and  hightailed it to the nearest Starbucks for a Java Chip Frappacino with an extra shot.

Go big or go home right?

The thing is I don’t feel guilty.  That is the benefit of actually not believing in a god.  Sure I was giving up something but more often than not it wasn’t really a big deal and I was only letting myself down.  I don’t have to be worried about not being good enough.  I don’t even have to be humbled by the experience.  I just start over.  Or not.  It really is whatever I want.
It was 21 days and I made it 14.  I think that is pretty good with or without a god to back me up.

I mean this is the original reason I started this blog in the first place.  I was giving up atheism.  Well obviously that wasn’t for good because I don’t think you can truly change an atheist’s mind about any god just like you can’t change a theist’s mind about their god.  I think the only place there is room for change is with agnostics.  They think there is something out there but they aren’t sure what so they are one step closer than I am.

I am still ok with that because I still don’t see how any god would fit into my life.


5 thoughts on “Crazy Busy!

  1. I think the cool thing about your “lapse” in your fast was what you said about not feeling guilty. I think a lot of Christians lack a real grasp of the concept of “grace” in their belief system. They know what it is, they have a hard time applying it, esp to themselves sometimes, and most especially when it comes to fasting. But even a lapse can be momentary, and they way you talk is the way I think God thinks of people. He doesn’t say “You failed to make it 21 days, I am displeased.” He says, “You did great for 14 days. Do you wanna try to finish out the last 6?”

    Way to go on how far you got!

    • Judi you said the opposite of what I expected. I expected a comment from someone about how I would have made it if I had god in my life. Maybe I need to go back to church just to be reminded that not everyone are the assholes I encounter more often than not on the world wide interwebs.

  2. Well, Dy-Anne, none of us are – in your words – “good enough.” That’s one of the main points of Christianity. That’s why Jesus is the central part of Christianity – b/c he was and is good enough. Boy, if I had to be “good enough” on my own, I’d “sure enough” be in trouble!

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