Why did I decide to do this the same time I was starting back to school? I must have been crazy.
So of course I was doing good til yesterday. I only had 2 little snafus (aka 8 ounces cokes) but then for some reason yesterday it all hit me like a ton of bricks. All the sleep I have been missing trying to get my new life in school rearranged finally came back to haunt me and it did it in the middle of biology class. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I kept dozing off and the worst part about it was that I was sitting in the front row. There is NO WAY my professor didn’t notice me dozing off.
I felt so bad. I even got like 5 hours of sleep the night before which was like a record compared to the previous week. So yesterday I broke down on my no caffeine, no soda and hightailed it to the nearest Starbucks for a Java Chip Frappacino with an extra shot.
Go big or go home right?
The thing is I don’t feel guilty. That is the benefit of actually not believing in a god. Sure I was giving up something but more often than not it wasn’t really a big deal and I was only letting myself down. I don’t have to be worried about not being good enough. I don’t even have to be humbled by the experience. I just start over. Or not. It really is whatever I want.
It was 21 days and I made it 14. I think that is pretty good with or without a god to back me up.
I mean this is the original reason I started this blog in the first place. I was giving up atheism. Well obviously that wasn’t for good because I don’t think you can truly change an atheist’s mind about any god just like you can’t change a theist’s mind about their god. I think the only place there is room for change is with agnostics. They think there is something out there but they aren’t sure what so they are one step closer than I am.
I am still ok with that because I still don’t see how any god would fit into my life.